Why Men Cheat On Their Wives – My Story
If you think you know why men cheat on their wives – you might be wrong. Like I was.
I was happily married for 20 years. Turns out my husband wasn’t.
When I first started to realize there was a rift in our marriage that couldn’t be fixed I was panicked. Was he cheating on me? My mind went straight to dark places. Images of him with another woman haunted and tortured me. I became suspicious and started behaving in ways unworthy of me.
You might recognize some of the embarrassing behavior - accusations, lurking over your husband’s shoulder when he is on the computer, trying to check the calls and texts on his cell phone, calling him when he is supposedly working late, checking the credit card and bank statements for unaccounted for meal, hotel and gift expenses. Not behavior of which I am proud. Certainly not what I had in mind when I walked down the aisle and fantasized about “happily ever after”.
If you are driving yourself crazy and obsessing over negative images of your husband with another woman, I can sympathize. Click here to see what helped me overcome this.
Unless you are dealing with a chronic philanderer (which honestly account for a very tine percentage of men who cheat) it can be generally said that happily married people don’t cheat. Does that mean you are to blame if you suspect your husband is cheating? Of course not! Plenty of people who are unhappy with some aspect of their marriage manage to work on the issues without cheating! But if you have even the slightest suspicion that your husband is cheating you do need to take a good look at the habits and routine that your marriage has taken on.
Here’s what I learned:
The number one reason that people cheat on their spouses is that they are looking to fill a need outside of their marriage that is not being met within it.
- Stereotypically people assume that for women the need that needs to be met is emotional, and for men the need is physical (sex). But research has proven that this is not actually true. The answer to why men cheat on their wives is for the most part the same as why women cheat on their husbands – they crave appreciation, admiration and emotional connection with another person.
- Being married is not easy. Over a period of twenty years we had formed rhythms and routines that did not support putting the other spouse first. With so many demands of a busy household, chores, car pools, homework to supervise, two careers to manage, finances to juggle and trying to sneak in a few precious moments of “personal time”, my husband and I had started to take each other for granted. Most of our conversations revolved around a delegation of duties and complaints about each other. Hardly the stuff of romantic comedies.
- Regular, moral, tax paying individuals can often stray into an extra marital affair because starting a relationship with a someone with whom you do not share a home, kids, finances and a million other crippling responsibilities can seem so much easier, simpler and ..well…sexier. However, what experience has taught is that this will not be a viable long term relationship solution.
- Seriously, if your husband has an affair with someone because your marriage got “stale”, he had better be prepared to not have any long term relationships again. Because unless he learns to fix the root of the problem (keeping your marriage vital) he will just find yourself in the same boat in another 5 or 10 years with a “new” person. Although he might not like hearing that from you.
So how did my story end? My story ended happily, but not without some hard work and heartache in the meantime.
Before I could effectively start working on healing my marriage, I had to address my own pain and heal that first.
To learn the steps I went through to regain confidence and trust in my marriage Click Here
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Warning Signs Your Husband Is Cheating
Warning signs that your husband is cheating are manifold. While none of these in isolation proof of your husband’s infidelity, the more of these signs that you recognize, the more likely it is that your husband is cheating.
- he’s away from the house more often (the age old “had to work late”)
- he often doesn’t answer your phone calls when he’s away from home. He is defensive or vague when questioned about his whereabouts.
- suspicious activity on his cell phone – repeated calls and texts from numbers you don’t recognize
- new habits surrounding his cell phone – did he just upgrade to a phone with easier texting, skyping? Did that cell phone that used to be next to his keys on the counter suddenly never leave his side (or car) so that you have little opportunity to browse the calling history
- change in computer habits. Does he spend more time on the computer than he used to. Does he suddenly close the browser when you come in the room, or is the browsing history always deleted
- change in personal grooming. Is losing weight, working out more, buying new clothes (especially new underwear)
- did he join a gym? Men who cheat on their wives often join a gym not so much to get in shape, but to have a cover as to where they’ve been, why they were unavailable by phone and why they come freshly showered
- he is generally emotionally distant from you, less interested in doing things with you and the family and more critical of you. This is a general “feeling” you have. It’s hard to describe but you know it when you feel it.
Trust your instinct! It is a sad but true fact that many marriages are plagued by men having affairs. You are not “going crazy”. And unfortunately, you are not alone. Lots of good help is available to you.
Do you suspect your husband is cheating?
Click here to learn if your marriage can survive an affair.
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Why Men Cheat On Their Wives – Oprah Expert Chimes In
There are varying opinions as to why men cheat on their wives. But a recent episode of Oprah many audience members and viewers up in arms when top author M.Gary Neuman suggested that when men cheat their spouses might be partly to blame.
It is often said that “happily married people don’t cheat”. Mr. Neuman pointed out that his researched showed the top reasons why men cheat on their wives had less to do with sex than people usually think. In his book he listed these as contributing factors when men cheat:
- feeling admired by another woman
- feeling that they didn’t get enough “attention” from their wife at home
- feeling lonely in their marriage
Many viewers were upset that so much of the responsibility of the affair was put back on the wives.
Neuman later came back on the show to defend his book “The Truth About Cheating”. He claims that some of his comments were taken out of context and that his book is really about empowering women. He pointed out that while many women are insecure that their husband cheated on them because they were no longer as attractive to them, his research found that 88% of men claimed the women who they took on as their lovers were not either better looking or more shapely than their wives.
According to his research, men claimed the extra marital relationship was more about emotional connection than it was about pure sex. In this regard, why men cheat on their wives would appear to be not as far from the main reasons women cheat on their husbands – they crave emotional intimacy and physical intimacy.
To view a video on M.Gary Neuman’s findings click here
Do you suspect your husband is cheating? Click here to see if your marriage can survive an affair
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Welcome to Why Men Cheat On Their Wives.org
If you are struggling with the question “why do men cheat on their wives” then you’ve come to the right place. I set up this blog to help you understand why husbands and boyfriends cheat and how you can take back control of your relationship. I hope these resources help educate and empower you!
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Who Am I?
Hi! My name is Grace. When I first suspected my husband of cheating I was completely overwhelmed with emotions. It was like riding a roller coaster with the twists and turns being paranoia, suspicion, hysteria, neediness, rage and insecurity. My emotions exhausted me and I felt overwhelmed and out of control.
It wasn't until I became educated on the reasons that men cheat on their wives and learned some solid strategies on how to cope with my situation that I began to regain confidence and my ability to make rational decisions about my painful situation.
I hope you find this site helpful. I wish you the best of luck at this difficult time.